It's Not Comfortable

I don’t know what it is with me lately…maybe it’s the place I’m at right now, the result of the struggles I've been through or maybe it’s that I feel like I have nothing to lose…but I’ve been out of my element. I’ve been doing things I don’t normally do and reading things that I would not normally read. I’ve been asking questions that were never before asked.

And it’s not comfortable.

Normally, I would run the other way. Or better yet, I’d be defensive, argumentative, resistant. I’d fight any notion of change. I don’t like change. I’m 34 years old…it’s taken a lifetime to get to this point. I’ve wrestled with so many things, ideas, philosophies, truths and after the fight—you just watch and see where the dust settles—and that becomes your Belief. And after you have let that Belief form and take residence in your mind, and you talk about it and think about it...it becomes quite comfortable.

Until something, or someone shakes it all up. But then what do you do? Especially when the person who shook it all up feels just as comfortable as you.

We hold on so tight to that which we believe…sometimes to our own demise. Do we do this because we don’t want to be wrong? Or do we do this because we don’t want to be uncomfortable?

A close friend of mine compares life to walking along a path. I often think of my own path and what stands out to me is not always the destination but the scenery. The people, the beauty, the ideas that I encounter along that path. The things that I see are not always comfortable, but they are part of the journey. I don’t believe I will truly know the Truth until I reach the very end of that path. And maybe there is no end.

In the end, I’ve decided…I don’t want or need to be comfortable. I want to see life for what it is…for all of it. I want to let myself evolve and grow and learn because I have so much more life to live. So I choose to shake it up…let the dust fly around the room for awhile. Let the elements dance! It’s okay…there’s plenty of time for it to settle. I don’t want to walk the path in stillness. I want the wind to blow, the leaves to rustle, the rain to fall. Afterall, that’s what God put it there to do.





*** I just found this on my computer...written last January. But it still applies...