It Takes a Village…

I am not easily offended. You can pretty much say anything to me and on occasion I will get mildly defensive, but rarely offended. But today it was suggested to me that I don’t understand what it is like to be a parent. I was given consolation for being a teacher, but not awarded the special status of a mother. And maybe it was just the particular moment or maybe it was just the nature of the conversation, but this point of observation stung me deeply.


I’ve been told by friends that I should have children and that I would make such a great mom. And when I respond by saying that I no longer feel the biological need for kids, I get a curious look, as if I’ve just landed on Earth from another planet.


There was a time when I wanted children. I had the dream that so many women do…I had the instinct to bring life into this world. And had all the right things come together, perhaps I would have done so. I remember precisely the day when I stopped dreaming the dream of motherhood. It was the day when I assumed another important role, the one of becoming a teacher.


I guess the part that offends me is the notion that I am not experiencing the bond or the responsibility that a mother experiences. I experience both every day. I am lucky to get my kids for seven hours…almost the same amount of time a mother spends with her child in a day. In those seven hours, I nurture them, protect them, teach them, build them…same as a mother does. I am trying to do by day what they continue at night…the molding of little feet who take big steps. I would never suggest that my role is as important as that of a mother nor would I say that teaching is as rewarding. But I will suggest that it comes pretty damn close.

When I am not with my kids, I miss them. When they reach milestones, I cry. I want to share every story, every picture, every funny thing they say and I try to hold back because I don’t want to be annoying. I think constantly about their future…about who they will grow up to be. And at the end of the day, I just hope they are happy.


You don’t have to give birth to understand that kind of bond. There are aunts and uncles, godparents, mentors, teachers and friends who all care deeply for children though they have none of their own. If you are a parent, please realize that there are people who are a part of your children’s lives who respect you greatly and only want to help you and your child along the journey.