Pissed!

I had started writing a blog on Saturday about the devestation in Japan. I had a lot to say about the subject. My heart and mind has been in circles over how something like this could happen. The why of it escapes me. My mind was still processing so I did not complete that blog. I still don’t have the answers.

But today I read an article for which I am prepared to speak about. Apparantly, there are some very bad Americans making very ignorant statements about the events overseas. In case you haven’t heard, here is what has been said:

"What God does is God's business. But I'll tell you this -- there's a message being sent," Beck continued. "And that is, 'Hey you know that stuff we're doing? Not really working out real well. Maybe we should stop doing some of it.' I'm just saying." ~ Glenn Beck

"Look this is very serious people I had to evacuate all my hoess from LA, Hawaii and Japan. I had to do it. Lol"
~ 50 cents

"I just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, 'There'll be another one floating by any minute now.'"
~ Gilbert Godfried

"What if God was tired of the way they treated their own people in there own country! Idk guys he makes no mistakes."
~ Cappie Pondexter

My first reaction was complete disbelief. How could someone say these things about a country and community hit by tragedy? How could an American imply that God meant for this to happen? My second reaction was anger. Americans were hit not so long ago by two devastating tragedies: the events of 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina. How soon we forget our own pain and suffering, our own place in time. We were outraged at the idea that people thought God had anything to do with these man- made and natural disasters. Both events made us take stock and realize our priorities, as a people, as a community, as Americans. And for a time, a lesson was learned. But time heals everything because eventually we forget. We are distracted by new stories. And I fear, the lesson was lost.

I know that most Americans don’t feel the way that Glenn Beck, 50 cents and Gilbert Godfried feel…if you do then you seriously need to question your own humanity…but the idea that there are people in the world that would utter such a negative and self-righteous thought scares the hell out of me.

When are we going to come together as a human race? When are we going to become champions for one another instead of haters and criticizers? When are we going to stop thinking that one country is so much better than another? In the trenches, soldiers say it doesn’t matter who you are…you protect your fellow man. There is no right and wrong in the trenches…there is only survival.

If you believe that God had anything to do with the earthquake and tsunami in Japan then you must also believe that God meant to kill Americans on 9/11 and during Hurricane Katrina. Do you want that on your conscious?

It’s time to think differently.

Bittersweet

Bittersweet is your kiss
That left words
Unspoken,
Under a moonlit
Sky of stars.

Bittersweet is your smile;
A misconceived
Flirtation--
An invitation to dance.

Bittersweet are your eyes
With many tales
Untold,

A past left hidden
And story
Unknown.

Bittersweet am I
At our last
Goodbye,
Hoping to see you
Again.

Why I Go in Search of Buried Treasures...

A few years ago I was reading about a subset of society that I had no idea existed. There are people who spend their free time digging for buried treasures. On the beach, in the woods, along river banks these people would find valuable coins, civil war relics, buried caches, gold and jewelry. A woman in England went out in search along the countryside and found a 500 year old gold pendent depicting the Holy Trinity. The gem was estimated to be worth $250.000. An unemployed man on welfare found the largest ever collection of Anglo-Saxon artifacts worth 1.6 million. How did these people find their treasures? Not with secret maps, I assure you. They found these treasures with what I once thought was merely a toy for a 12 year old boy…a metal detector.


When I first read these stories I was immediately intrigued and wanted in on the action. I live in Atlanta, a hot bed for history, so I had visions of finding civil war relics buried deep in the ground saved from Sherman’s fire. Or maybe artifacts from the slaves that once worked the fields which are now merely suburban backyards or apartment shrubbery.

I decided I must have one of these treasure finding gadgets. I researched my choices and decided upon the Bounty Tracker IV. It cost a little over $100 but that didn’t bother me…it didn’t compare to the millions I would soon discover.

I felt like the Dad in "A Christmas Story" when my detector arrived. There was a glow of light coming from the box. I couldn’t wait to get my hands on it! I put it together and immediately set out on my first ever treasure hunt. First stop, the backyard. Every time the detector beeped, my heart would do the same from the anticipation of what I had found. I dug. Hitting tree roots, finding rocks, slashing worms in half. I dug. And what did I find on my first hunt? A bottle cap. Not a bottle cap from the 1920’s but a bottle cap from a few weeks ago…it was probably mine. I didn’t give up…I kept digging. Next I found a matchbox car! How interesting. It was caked in dirt. I would need to clean it. I shoved it into my “metal detecting apron” and moved on. Next, after 15 minutes of digging, I found a penny! I rubbed the dirt off the face of the penny to find that it dated all the way back to….1997. The dream of finding a treasure was fading away. The reality of finding a yard full of metal junk was sinking in.

Never being one to give up on dreams, a few days later I went out again. My detector beeped and so I dug. My mind was sure that I would find a piece of aluminum foil or a rusty nail. I dug and I dug and I dug. Where the hell was this metal wonder? The detector kept beeping so I knew something was there. So I dug and I dug and I dug. This went on for what seemed forever as I diligently worked my way to the core of the earth when suddenly I hit something. Please tell me it’s not a rock. I saw something silver, bright silver so I knew at once it wasn’t a penny or a nail. After twenty minutes of burrowing into the land, I found my prize. I had found a baby rattle…a sterling silver antique baby rattle. It was dented but sill worked. It still made the sound that makes a baby smile. I took it inside, washed it off, polished it up and studied it under my magnifying glass. After hours of research on both google and ebay I discovered that my find was a Webster baby rattle from the 1940s. Similar baby rattles were selling on ebay from $50 to $100! Finally I had found something worth more than a penny!

A few days later…for reasons that are not relevant to this story, the landlord came to the house. In all my curiosity, I had to ask if she knew the history of this rattle. She revealed to me that it belonged to her daughter. Her eyes lit up when she saw my treasure. I was suddenly in a dilemma and wishing so much that I hadn’t asked. After a few minutes of silent reflection, I dared to pose the question, “Would you like to have the rattle?”

“No, you found it, you keep it,” she said. A long pause followed as my morals were being tested. “No, please keep it. I insist.” I was devastated. It was like winning an Olympic medal only to give it away.
I still mourn the loss of my first found treasure. Though it was not worth millions, it was worth something. It was definitely worth the time I spent digging. It was definitely worth the time I spent anticipating.

I still dig for buried treasures, but lost are the hopes of finding gold or silver or a bag full of valuable coins. I dig now for the stories. I’ve found matchbox cars and I think of the little boys playing in the backyard full of happiness, their lives still untold. I’ve found quarters and have wondered who was standing there and how exactly did that quarter fall out of their pocket. I’ve found bullet casings and have wondered what events led them there. And I’ve found junk…metal scraps, unidentified pieces of aluminum and countless tabs from soda cans. But even the junk has its story. Someone was standing there at a moment in time. The metal scraps part of something built or perhaps, something torn down. Everything I find is a remnant of another life, another future, of another story… and that is where the true value and treasure of things are found.

You Made Me

It happens sometimes.
It gets fucked up.
You grow up on the streets
Spitting on the floor
Smoking cigarettes
Getting in fights.

You try to find yourself
You know who you are
But you’re lost.

You spend afternoons
Listening to MTV
And pretending you are
A rock star

Pretending you mean
Something
To somebody…

Mom is late
Dad is gone
You have no
Brothers or sisters.

You have a cat that
Mom gave up
The only thing you loved

I don’t remember
Homework
I don’t remember
Sunday dinner.

I remember the
Kids in the neighborhood
And being alone.

It wasn’t my life
To live
I just happened
Not a plan

But I love you
Immensely
And I can’t let go
I know
Somewhere in
Your heart
You made me.

11/24/2010

God's Face

I show myself to you
And you believe me
Therefore,
I can not tell a
Lie.

This is who I am
What I am
With my help,
The universe has
Made it so.

I suffer.
But that is my cross
To bear.

I change
Everything around
Me.

At night, I cry
For what I have
Become

But in the
Morning I cry
For what I have
Given

Hope
Love
Faith

I give it all

And I am not
Sorry for it.

What do you see
When you look
In the mirror?

Do you see
Your own
Possibility?

Do you see
What God gave to
You?

Do you
Believe?

It’s one life
One moment
One chance
To change the
World.

To even feel
That it matters
Puts a smile
On God’s
Face.

5-2010

Sebastian

I came to you
But don’t know why

And you looked
At me that way

I held you in
Accepting arms
And you
Melted

I talked to you
You shared your secrets
Already knowing
Mine.

And when I left
You cried and cried

And a part of my heart
Was broken.

Nothing

Loving you means…

Lifting you up
Not dragging you down

It means showing you the light
Not living in the dark

Trepidation
Fear
Uncertainty

It’s all I have to offer

I think some days
We could be perfect

Forever real
Neverending

You stand before me
Like a mirror

And make me wonder
Who I am

And your sweet kiss
Awakens my soul

And your eyes
Pierce my heart
Like Cupid

Is it okay
That we are fumbled?

A jumbled mess
Forever lost?

Can we find the way
Together?
Or shall we be separately
Hidden?

I lay down and think of you
How I wish you were here

I know too much
About me and you

But pretend I know

Nothing.